It’s been a year since I’ve asked myself, what do I want?
I’ve been consumed with making a toxic relationship healthy,
Consumed with making everyone happy and sometimes forgetting myself…
I was content giving a man my all, loving him with my whole heart,
Giving and giving and giving till there was nothing left to give…
And he never gave back.
I was happy because I was in love –
in love with the wrong person –
But I didn’t know that at the time.
I was happy pouring my love into someone that made me feel whole.
Now I feel empty inside.
Now I feel like I can never be happy again.
Now I feel like I can never love again.
So now, here I am,
Alone and unsure of how to move forward.
Again I ask: What do I want?
Firstly, I want to feel happy and whole on my own.
I want to study hard, work hard, and pursue healthy relationships.
I want to travel. I need to see the world.
I want to write more.
I want to feel more.
I want to find myself.
I want to know what the future holds.
And I want – I want to love again…
I want to be okay again…..