What Do I Want?

It’s been a year since I’ve asked myself, what do I want?

I’ve been consumed with making a toxic relationship healthy,

Consumed with making everyone happy and sometimes forgetting myself…

I was content giving a man my all, loving him with my whole heart,

Giving and giving and giving till there was nothing left to give…

And he never gave back.

I was happy because I was in love –

in love with the wrong person –

But I didn’t know that at the time.

I was happy pouring my love into someone that made me feel whole.

Now I feel empty inside.

Now I feel like I can never be happy again.

Now I feel like I can never love again.

So now, here I am,

Alone and unsure of how to move forward.

Again I ask: What do I want?

Firstly, I want to feel happy and whole on my own.

I want to study hard, work hard, and pursue healthy relationships.

I want to travel.  I need to see the world.

I want to write more.

I want to feel more.

I want to find myself.

I want to know what the future holds.

And I want – I want to love again…

I want to be okay again…..