Grey

The World-
A sea of black and blue.
Dark, like my mind.
Isolated, like my heart.

The World is quiet,
Lonely, frightening.
It’s a prison.
My thoughts the bars,
Holding me back.
Back from what?
From color?
I walk the streets along,
The ground beneath my weak legs
Is unstable.
I’m lost in a dark tunnel,
Words attacking me.

“You’re not enough”
“No one cares about you”
“You are wasting space”
“You are useless”

Lies?
I’m not sure of anything anymore.
My own mind, thoughts, feelings-
Have betrayed me.
All I know as my truth
And it isn’t truth at all.
Or is it?

I see a red shell within me,
A shell that should be filled,
Could, maybe, possibly, be filled.
Filled with love, joy, content…
Yet I am a shell.
Hollow and dark.
My brain feels squished,
The walls cave in.
I’m screaming.
I can’t breathe-
Maybe I don’t want to.

Black charcoal paints
The bottom of my grey eyes.
Another day,
Can I bear it?

My feet drag,
Heavy weights pull me down-
Deeper, deeper, deeper…
I can’t bear it.

I see smiles,
In grey.
I see laughter,
In grey.
I see love,
In grey.

I see myself,
I’m grey.

I’m empty.

I’m lost.

I’m a lie.