Spiraling

Spiraling

Into madness.

My brain

So anomalistic

Idiosyncratic

Unparagoned

Encumbered.

It hurts

Oh how it hurts.

My thoughts

Cut through my mind

Sharp

Painful

Bloody…

I’m bleeding.

A cocaphony

In my brain.

Loud, confusing, caustic.

I’m spiraling

Down

Down

Deeper still.

Indelicate black tunnels

Pull me farther in.

I can’t see now.

I feel the ghosts

Of my past

Tug at me.

I’m pulling apart.

Spiraling into

Lurid dreams.

I’m not dreaming.

I’m failing.

I’m guilty, lost, crazed, unsure.

The spiral is long,

I’m still falling deeper,

Deeper still.

When is it worth living…

How do you know if life is worth living?
You have hopes and dreams and fall in love…
But it never works out.
You put your joy in people – undeserving.
You love them and give them your all.
But no.
They leave.
They rip your heart out with their own hands,
Each tug spreading sharp pains through your chest –
You can’t breathe.
It’s suffocating, like being held underwater.
But then you stop fighting,
And you let the water fill your weary lungs till it’s gone…

I’m drowning.
He’s gone.
He used me,
He made me think I was special,
Then he left,
Leaving me to feel worthless.
I have no value.
I have no hope.
I have no one.
Is my life worth living,
When surrounded by pain and heartache?
Is it worth allowing people to use me, to destroy me,
To make me question my value as a woman?
It’s not fair.
This life isn’t fair.
When is it worth living…

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