God gave me You

My love for you is blinding.

It shields the depression that forces me to sink into darkness,

as if an anchor is tied to my foot.

But my love for you – it saves me.

It heals,

teaches,

and respects.

I see the good in life because of you.

I forgive – imagine that!

I live in the present with you,

I forget the past hurts and pains of this life,

All because God gave me you.

You, the love of my life.

You have saved me from myself.

You have encouraged me to grow & become the woman He wants me to be.

I thank God every day for you.

For the all consuming love we share…

 

The Kiss

The kiss-

Oh that one kiss,
It changed my life 
Forever. 
It had been six months. 
Six long months since I knew 
I wanted you. 
I needed you. 
I craved you. 
Six suffocating months of swallowing my feelings,
Feigning hate because admitting my love for you was just too hard. 
You didn’t want me. 
I had to not want you either…
Six months. 
Then, 
You came to me. 
Everything changed in just a few moments- 
Oh those precious moments…
We talked. 
We argued. 
We made up. 
You held me, 
I wanted to cry. 
I didn’t know I could miss an embrace so badly.  
I didn’t want to let go. 
I didn’t want to lose you again  
You stared into my eyes, into my soul. 
You saw me, the real me, for the first time. 
Finally, your lips reunited with mine. 
So tender,
So strong,
So full of depth 
And emotion… 
Never have I experienced something so 
Mind boggling 
Beautiful 
Painful 
Passionate 
Exhilarating 
Intoxicating… 
My stomach turned in knots
Tears welled up in my eyes. 
I never wanted it to end,
The kiss 
That changed my life- 
Our lives 
Forever. 

Spiraling

Spiraling

Into madness.

My brain

So anomalistic

Idiosyncratic

Unparagoned

Encumbered.

It hurts

Oh how it hurts.

My thoughts

Cut through my mind

Sharp

Painful

Bloody…

I’m bleeding.

A cocaphony

In my brain.

Loud, confusing, caustic.

I’m spiraling

Down

Down

Deeper still.

Indelicate black tunnels

Pull me farther in.

I can’t see now.

I feel the ghosts

Of my past

Tug at me.

I’m pulling apart.

Spiraling into

Lurid dreams.

I’m not dreaming.

I’m failing.

I’m guilty, lost, crazed, unsure.

The spiral is long,

I’m still falling deeper,

Deeper still.

Talk to Me

Talk to me

Say something

One word

Just one

Please…

I need –

I need to know

Where you stand

With me.

Say something.

What do you feel,

What do you think,

What have I done wrong…

I want to explode

I want to rip my hair out

One by one.

These thoughts

They attack me

Like a swarm of bees

Like a hurricane

Like fire.

I’m burning

Slowly melting

into

Nothing.

My body shakes

With fear

Of what you’ll say.

But just say it.

My heart may shatter

My life may end

But I need to know.

Talk to me…

I Think, I Don’t Think by Robert M. Drake

I think

you like the idea

of feeling

too much,

of experiencing

too much

and letting the things

inside you

float away.

I think

you want people

to notice you

but want others

to think that

isolation pumps through

your veins.

I think

you care

too much

but you pretend

as if

nothing bothers you.

I think

you want people

to miss you

but only

the right ones.

I think

you like breaking

apart

but only because

you know by morning

you’ll be

yourself again.

I think

you like being chased

because you want

to be saved

and loved

with the same intensity

an earthquake

would bring.

I think

you want the world

to remember you

but you don’t have

the slightest clue

on becoming memorable.

I think

you want delicate hands

to surf over

your skin

but you think

you’re too hard

for soft hands.

I think

of all these things

and it couldn’t be

more true,

that like me,

you just need someone

to catch you

and tell you

how much they know you –

to reveal

little things about you,

that you

yourself ignore.

I think

the star in you

wants to give light

to other people

and I think

I need it

to help me

find my way.

And, like you,

I think

and feel these things

deeply…

and I know we need

each other…

if ever,

we think

we want

a proper shot

at love.

See Me

You don’t see me.

You see your expectations of me.

You see a version of me that you want,

Or expect me to be.

 

They say “She’s a whore”,

“She’s dumb”

“She’s a bitch”

“She’s selfish”…

You don’t see me.

 

I don’t fit into a box,

I’m hard to understand,

I’m uniquely me.

The world refuses to see me.

Refuses to even try to understand my heart

Because I don’t fit a “type”.

 

They force stereotypes onto me.

Bombard me with skewed perceptions,

Hideous expectations.

They make me believe the lies.

No one sees me.

 

It’s lonely,

Knowing that the world

Doesn’t want to see me.

People I thought were friends,

People I was in love with,

Never knew me.

They never tried.

 

I just want

Someone

To

See 

me… 

 

 

“Keep your mind on things above…”

I feel the change,

The air is cooler.

The trees now full grown,

begin their descent into winter.

Leaves cover my toes,

I am surrounded by red, orange and yellow.

I stand alone,

With my fellow trees.

This feels like home,

Feels like where I belong.

I belong among the quiet,

The lowly,

The strong.

I belong somewhere,

Where I can appreciate –

Truly appreciate –

God’s beauty.

I feel the sun on my face,

like a warm hand tilting my face upwards.

“Keep your mind on things above…”

He says.

I’m distracted in this time of life.

I wish I lived among the trees and the butterflies and the flowers…

I hurt too easily.

I get hurt too easily.

But between the mounds of leaves and buzzing bees,

Everything points me heavenward.

To You.

Magnets

Magnets.

They pull together.

One is drawn towards the other.

It is their nature.

You hold the magnets just close enough, you can’t pull them apart.

The draw is too strong.

 

We pulled apart.  It felt unnatural.  Sudden.

Yet, the draw is there.

You came back.

I never left.

 

We tried so hard to move one, to live our lives apart.

But now, here we are.

Staring into each other’s eyes hating and loving how strongly we care for each other.

How connected we are.

It’s in our nature.

 

We tried to force a change.  But like magnets, we were made for this connection.

We couldn’t pull apart successfully.  We came back together.

You were drawn to me despite everything.

I’m drawn to you.  To your spirit.  To your heart.

My heart tugs and pulls in your direction no matter how hard I try to fight it.

 

I’m linked to you.  We are linked together.

Our spirits can’t help but come back together.  They tug at us till we are joined again.

Like magnets, we can’t help it.

This force that is inexplicably powerful.

This force that brings me back to you.

 

 

 

Glass

Glass hearts, so fragile, so easy to break.

Broken glass.

My heart is shattered.  Shards of broken pieces stab my insides.  Moving forward hurts.  Moving backwards hurts more.

Maybe I love the feeling of pain.  Maybe I love brokenness and depression because it makes me feel something.

Maybe I love getting hurt over and over again because I deserve it.

Maybe I love giving a piece of myself to people so freely…

Broken pieces of my heart trail behind me.  A part of me I gave to someone.  Someone who didn’t want it.  A part of me is broken.  A sliver of my heart missing…

In the pain, I see in blue.  The world is bleak; more so am I.

I’m angry.  I’m furious.

I’m fragile.

I see in red.  I bleed anger, frustration, hate.

I bleed brokenness.

I bleed from the cuts of broken glass.

I bleed for my heart.

I am broken.

I am glass.

 

The Wind

This short poem is inspired by fall.  Fall is full of new beginnings, full of freshness.  As all of us head back to school, it really is an amazing opportunity to change and work on ourselves.  Just like the seasons, people can change to – for the better.

 

I need this. I want this.
I’ve made mistakes, I’ve hurt others, hurt myself…
But I’m changing.
Just like the seasons.
Outside the green leaves age, become crisp and drift off of their branches.
The sweet, sweet air whispers a chill, and guides the leaves to their next destination.
He is my wind. He whispers to me, and guides me.
The season, fresh, has given me something.
Something so special.
The breeze brings with it a new beginning.
An end to some plants.
An end to old ways.
The chill of autumn warms my heart.
I feel renewed.
I am changed.
The Wind has granted me peace despite my transgressions.
The Wind gives new birth.
The Wind changes, rearranges, and perfects…

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