If Only He Loved Me…

If he loves me, he will try.

If he loves me, he won’t yell.

If he loves me, he will communicate.

If he loves me, he will listen.

If he loves me, he won’t leave.

But –

If he does not, he will walk away.

 

If I love myself, I will not let his anger affect me.

I can not wait for change, when the waiting is what hurts.

It hurts,

aches,

stings my heart.

If only he loved me…

 

 

Talk to Me

Talk to me

Say something

One word

Just one

Please…

I need –

I need to know

Where you stand

With me.

Say something.

What do you feel,

What do you think,

What have I done wrong…

I want to explode

I want to rip my hair out

One by one.

These thoughts

They attack me

Like a swarm of bees

Like a hurricane

Like fire.

I’m burning

Slowly melting

into

Nothing.

My body shakes

With fear

Of what you’ll say.

But just say it.

My heart may shatter

My life may end

But I need to know.

Talk to me…

Anomaly

Weeks were slow, months were fast. Moments were quick, but memories won’t last.
Time goes on, I grow older. Finding myself, becoming colder.
Every thought is a key to my future, every step closer to who I am.
I walk down the street, eyes follow and taunt.
My style is different, temperament liberal.
Anomaly is my second name.
The capricious are uncertain, but have charisma.
There are no epitomes among the lurid streets, everyone unique to themselves.
The meticulous wall built to avoid scandalous slander stands, we guard our hearts.
Judgement feels like a backhand, freedom is only but a dreamland.
Do I care what they think, how they respond to who I want to be?
Anomaly is my second name.
I walk down the street, eyes follow and wonder.
My walls fall.
I do not conform, I am who I am.
No apologies for what is on my heart.
Every thought is a key to my future, every step closer to personal freedom.
Time goes on, I grow older. Finding myself, becoming bolder.
Weeks were slow, months were fast. Moments were quick, but memories won’t last.

I Hate This…

It consumes me. It’s all I think about. I want to lash out. I want to hit you.
My heart aches. It pounds quickly. It feels like my heart is trying to escape my chest.
I cry. The tears burn my eyes. I’m so angry.
This isn’t rational, I know. But I can’t stop.
I can’t stop thinking about what you did to me.
I can’t stop replaying each conversation, wishing I had said what I really wanted to.
My body is shaking. I’m gasping for air. I need to destroy something.
I see you almost every day. You act so cool and collected. Nothing bothers you.
You have no emotion. No care for anyone or anything other than yourself.
That’s what I hate. You simply don’t care. Yet I care too much.
I care so much that I want to explode.
I want to scream and lash out. I want to tell you the truth.
But it doesn’t matter.
You don’t matter.
I’m so angry. It consumes me.
You consume me.
You hold so much power over me – I hate it.
I hate this…

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