Spiraling

Spiraling

Into madness.

My brain

So anomalistic

Idiosyncratic

Unparagoned

Encumbered.

It hurts

Oh how it hurts.

My thoughts

Cut through my mind

Sharp

Painful

Bloody…

I’m bleeding.

A cocaphony

In my brain.

Loud, confusing, caustic.

I’m spiraling

Down

Down

Deeper still.

Indelicate black tunnels

Pull me farther in.

I can’t see now.

I feel the ghosts

Of my past

Tug at me.

I’m pulling apart.

Spiraling into

Lurid dreams.

I’m not dreaming.

I’m failing.

I’m guilty, lost, crazed, unsure.

The spiral is long,

I’m still falling deeper,

Deeper still.

“Empty Bottles Full of Stories” by Robert M. Drake

The beautiful gift and curse of being human, to give and to take away. It is both a curse and a blessing to feel things so deeply. And too much of anything will always be too much for you to bear. Always.
And all of us are terribly looking for ways NOT to shatter. And too often do we, as people, only appreciate someone once they are gone. The past is always growing and time is just another metaphor that represents all the people we’ve lost.
The world doesn’t make much sense without the people you love. Sadness, like happiness, is delicate and temporary. So please go on gently and always remember to let all things that weigh you down go.

 

I recently bought Drake’s poetry book “Empty Bottles Full of Stories”… it is a marvelous book and Drake is a very talented writer.  When reading his poems, I highlight certain phrases that really stick out to me.  Here are a few highlighted verses that I put together to paint a different picture.

 

Nothing: Commentary on Emptiness & Dependence

I wrote this poem to comment on emptiness and the dependence women put on men to feel worthy, happy and whole.  Hell, I often feel like I need a man to be complete – but I don’t.  Only I have the power to feel whole and complete, and for me, I find that in my faith in God.  But sometimes I misplace my value and my joy in other people and undeserving men.  When I do this, I feel empty.  I feel like nothing.

Ladies, listen up.  You are worthy.  Only you can make yourself whole.  And your happiness should depend on you – not a man!  I hope you enjoy this poem as it hits close to home…

My body is shaking.
My soul feels battered and broken.

When?

Why?
I loved you.
And I still do.

I gave you everything,
Every single part of me.
I was loyal.
We were perfect.
Were…

My mind is spinning.
My heart is racing.
I’m going to pass out.

I want to cry.
But there are no more tears to shed.
Like trying to drink from an empty pool of water.
There’s nothing…

I’m nothing.
I’m empty.

When?
Why?
What did I do?
How could I have fixed this?

I want to kneel at his feet.
I want to beg him to come back.
Come back to me…

But I can’t.
He’s gone.
I’m alone.
I’m nothing.

I just want a straight answer –
When did you fall out of love with me?
Why don’t you love me anymore?
What did I do wrong?
How can we start over?

I want him back.
I need him back.
His love is all I had.
Now I have nothing.
I am nothing…

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