Oh how it hurts.
Cut through my mind
In my brain.
Loud, confusing, caustic.
Indelicate black tunnels
Pull me farther in.
I can’t see now.
I feel the ghosts
Of my past
Tug at me.
I’m pulling apart.
I’m not dreaming.
I’m guilty, lost, crazed, unsure.
The spiral is long,
I’m still falling deeper,
Glass hearts, so fragile, so easy to break.
My heart is shattered. Shards of broken pieces stab my insides. Moving forward hurts. Moving backwards hurts more.
Maybe I love the feeling of pain. Maybe I love brokenness and depression because it makes me feel something.
Maybe I love getting hurt over and over again because I deserve it.
Maybe I love giving a piece of myself to people so freely…
Broken pieces of my heart trail behind me. A part of me I gave to someone. Someone who didn’t want it. A part of me is broken. A sliver of my heart missing…
In the pain, I see in blue. The world is bleak; more so am I.
I’m angry. I’m furious.
I see in red. I bleed anger, frustration, hate.
I bleed brokenness.
I bleed from the cuts of broken glass.
I bleed for my heart.
I am broken.
I am glass.
How do you know if life is worth living?
You have hopes and dreams and fall in love…
But it never works out.
You put your joy in people – undeserving.
You love them and give them your all.
They rip your heart out with their own hands,
Each tug spreading sharp pains through your chest –
You can’t breathe.
It’s suffocating, like being held underwater.
But then you stop fighting,
And you let the water fill your weary lungs till it’s gone…
He used me,
He made me think I was special,
Then he left,
Leaving me to feel worthless.
I have no value.
I have no hope.
I have no one.
Is my life worth living,
When surrounded by pain and heartache?
Is it worth allowing people to use me, to destroy me,
To make me question my value as a woman?
It’s not fair.
This life isn’t fair.
When is it worth living…